Thursday, December 28, 2006
I'm to blame
It's been over 10 months after my abortion and it still seems like it was yesterday. It wasn't because I had a bad life and "I don't want my child to go through the same thing I went through" and it wasn't because my parents are rich and "I didn't want to let them down". I did it because.... well I don't know why I did it. I'm not good at making quick decisions and it was thrown in my face so quickly. I went to the clinic on that Monday. February 6, 2006 to find out I was pregnant. I called the Atlanta SurgiCenter Tuesday. They only had appointments open for Thursday and Saturday. I had a Biology exam Thursday so I was set for my abortion that Saturday. February 11th. The planning wasn't hard. I didn't think about it much it didn't even set in that I was pregnant until after the abortion and been long performed. The abortion to me was like death. It's like when someone close to you dies your sad, sad, sad when it happens then it kinda goes away after a week or two. But then it blows up in your face HUGE when u least expect it. Like when your having a bad day, or your lonely, or when your really drunk. The difference is death you know is a part of life and has to be accepted because everyone dies but ABORTION... that's a different story. That blows up in your face, OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN and you don't just cry hysterically and weep for a little while I went into a zombie depression for 4 months straight. I'm sorry pulling out of it but as soon as I think I'm getting better it comes back. Kinda like now. I don't think I've ever cried so much before. It hurts, it hurts real deep because there's nobody to blame but yourself. And it never stops and I wonder if it will ever stop. I was 6 weeks and 6 days pregnant.